Thoughts, Memories and Me

A song is enough to kindle old memories, make me reconnect with the "old" you, the "me" which heard the song for the first time, the "me" who learnt the lyrics and played the songs umpteen number of times before a new song came along to replace it. The music, the lyrics. the beat sends me in to a frenzy. I just forget everything for a moment and just sing along.
I look back at those days and see that I have come a long way. Random flashes of incidents come into my mind. So many things have changed since then. Suddenly am flipping through orkut. Read my testimonials. Look up my friends profile. Laugh my ass out seeing how we were then. Surprised at the way I have described myself.

The friends who became family. Sitting here, writing this, I just wish I get just one chance to go back and look at all the things happening. 

 I yearn to be the old me. Change comes with a price. Not everyone is ready to accept the change. In middle of all the struggle, I suddenly see things sorting out. Finally its all just about me and finding myself and doing things I like. I am just reminded of a sentence from a Novel "From chaos you'll find order".

Each day gets brighter.. each day I realise something new. And right now all I can think of is being in a state of peace. Just being me and free of thoughts. When we stop thinking is actually when we start living. Finishing this sentence, I am filled with a warmth that spreads through my heart. even though there are things which are messed up and which worry me, I am at peace, knowing that they all will be sorted out.  

ELEGY FOR HAPPINESS

I open my eyes and for a fraction of second everything's perfect..

Cool morning breeze, birds chirping outside my window, the sun rays kissing my cheeks...

Then like a wave breaking on the rocks, the truth hits me..

Another day that i have to dread through before i can be cocooned in my dreams where everything's so perfect..

Lazily i drag myself out of bed, cringing about the day that lay ahead..

Slowly the monotony sets in..

On the way to the bus stop i pass through the road where not so long ago U used to drop me and kiss goodbye..

All through my bus ride i see places that we frequented..

Now they are just places haunted by your memories..

As the places pass by, memories absolve and resolve,
Like a cow web they settle all around me,
And as i try to break free, i get tangled..


In the solace of my pals , my day brightens up..

The sun seems a tinge brighter, the rain becomes pleasant,

Maybe its not going to be that gloomy after all..

Thoughts of career, talks of  nonsense,

with lots of gossip and lots of teasing,

fills my mind with laughter and sparkle in my eye..

Carried away by fantasies and wishes to be fulfilled,

i look up eagerly to the things that can be done..

Alas the day has come to an end and its time to go home..

And with my pals my happiness also departs..

Now its just me and my mind and my heart..

Again the dread starts as your memories surface..

And i see you.. 

So near yet so distant..

So familiar yet so strange..

Slowly sadness and despair swallow me up..

All the talks we have had and all the times we have spent..

All lost in time.. 

And etched in memory..

The warmth that was there and the coldness that's now..

I just wish i could talk to you like those days..

Strange it is that you have time for strangers
But no time for a familiar stranger..

Things have changed and you have moved on..

All am left with is emptiness..

And a gaping hole which won't heal..

I think of you as i fall asleep..

And once again enter a world where everything is perfect..
Wishing that i would never wake up from it...

Life - This and That

I usually write when i get this irresistible urge to write n i won't be able to sleep peacefully until i have written something.. Its like a voice within me desperately wanting to be heard.. For me writing is a way to vent out my emotions and thoughts,  which keep accumulating within me n finally burst out !!
Life changes in minutes.. Experienced it n have also seen it happen.. What was there a minute ago, won't be there the next minute.. But never thought it was applicable to human feeling's n emotion's.. But my assumption was proved wrong.. Feeling of love for a person can change in a matter of 24hrs.. surprising!! Makes me wonder how it is ever possible!! But it happens n all  u can do is accept the change  n wonder how it happened..Thats the most irritating part about life!! Seldom do u find answers for "why".. Questions as to how it happened, when it happened, where it happened, with whom it happened n all are answered!! But when the question of why it happened arises, Your left with a wide range of possible answers n a lot of question marks n confusion.. Maybe life is better this way.. You don't have to know every single thing... Some things are better left untold.. It creates an air of mystery.. n it makes life more interesting!! Well after experiencing many things, n reading about other people's experience, i have come to the conclusion that it is better to let things happen in their flow.. The reason as to why few things happen or did not happen, may not be clear now, but will become clear in the future.. As Steve Job puts it, the points can be joined only backwards.. Am remembered of a line from Paulo Cohelo's book, Brida.. We will never know the reason for our existence, but there definitely is a reason, which will be revealed to us at some point in space n time.. We should just accept this little fact n live our lives.. There is nothing to lose.. Anyways we are never gonna make it alive out of this!!! Do all that u wanted to!! live the life u have always dreamed of!! Now is the right moment!!
oops i got too carried away!!
Another thing thats as crazy as life is love.. Well generally u end up loving the wrong person... Always thought love was one happy thing.. But love is synonymous with pain!! It wouldn't apply if u found true love.. Thats a different thing all together... Its a step above my maturity level!!
Till now i have tried my best to ignore the bad things in the world.. N see it as a happy happy place.. After it all its man made n fictious.. Fiction is something that is imaginary and created purely by human's creative ability.. Talking on those terms, everything in this world, the society, its thinking, is all fictious!!
so my point is, do all u wanted to do! Never do things, keeping other people's perception in your mind.. U have got one life one chance to do it all!! Never have any regrets on your death bed!!

First love

My Dear First love,

It was nice knowing you.. Thanks for giving me those wonderful experiences... The feeling of being swept off my feet, the skip of a heart beat when i see your face, going breathless when you talk, forgetting my words when i looked into your eyes,  the shyness i felt, i guess all those were just the play of hormones.. which i took rather seriously.. Our first talk over the phone, Our first walk, our first date, the nervousness in me when i had to lie to my parents to go out with you, talking endlessly over the phone, 24 7 messaging, Our first fight, The feel of affection n care that you showered, the first movie that we watched, bowling with you n my friends, The endless time we spent in ccd n mcd, the crazy talks, My first b'day with you, Your first b'day with me, the way you used to tease me, how we tried pulling each other's leg, the countless arguments and the patch up's later(that was the best part), thanks for all those experiences..  I enjoyed all those moments then :) now i ll just remember them as good times :) You changed my perspective about life, taught me how to deal with changing times, you made me a better person.. I thought you were mine to keep, but fate had planned something else.. Breaking up was tough.. But the best thing to do.. Realization finally sunk in that it was just merely the play of hormones  and wasn't really true love...

It was all friendship since the start, we just misinterpreted it.. You have grown so close to me, been there for me many times.. All i wish now, is that we become good friends and nothing more.. You truly are a good friend and i would love to have u beside me as a friend.. Starting afresh, forgetting the past, lets create new memories of our friendship... The past seems so childish.. I hope even you think the same...

take care

Just wondering...

Why we always crave for things which we can't ve?
Why we always end up doing things which we once hated?
Why while waiting for the bus we want, all the other rare n not so frequent buses come?
Why things happen only during exams?
Why a person very close to us becomes a stranger overnight?
Why the thing we wished for comes true when we no longer wish for it?
Why we pay for a mistake that was committed by some other person?
Why the nostalgic feel during exams?
Why friends part?
Why we can't hang out like we always used to?
Why time has to run superfast when ur with friends n y time is snail paced during boring lectures?
Why why why???
Should i consider it my bad luck n fate?
R should i be writing my own destiny? r is it all pre-written by GOD??

The Kick

We get sooo illusion-ed by this world that we just start living in our dreams rather than our reality, just like in Inception. And we need a totem to know the reality from the fantasy world n a kick to get us out of there if we get lost!!!

My friends are my totem, who constantly remind me of the harsh reality. But sometimes i just ignore them n continue believing that this a magical world n my story is going to be a fairy tale.

The kick came to me in the form of an incident ( which i can never forget but have to).Am wide awake now, know wat life really means n is all about (i think i do) n the essence of the phrases "whatever happens, happens for good" , "time heals everything"...

Awake now i feel very matured, a strange peace fills me, its like a new "me" is born. Excited about life n wat it has in store.. After all life is also a big dream in which we all r lost!

My first blog!!

Friends this is the story of how i started writing my blog.
I have been wanting to create a blog for a long time but was too lazy to start of with it. Finally the forces of the universe thought it was time that i created one n lo am here writing my first blog!!(i still can't believe it!!:p)
So what made me write the blog?? It was all a spontaneous thing..I was jobless as usual and in gmail buzz saw my cousin's blog.. Read it... Then my eyes fell on a link called create ur blog.. Clicked on it n in a flow i ended up writing this!!! :)
wow my first blog!! when i got up in the morning i never imagined i would start blogging today :)